The No 1 Reason Why You Are Not Achieving Your Goals.
You have a dream that you desperately want to make a reality. You want it badly and you are prepared to put in the time and effort to make it happen.
Every morning you arise early to spend time visualising your goal. Again you are dedicated and your commitment does not waver. After few months of doing this you start to become a little disheartened as nothing appears to be changing. You begin to wonder what is going on. ‘What am I doing wrong’, you ask yourself. ‘Why is nothing happening’ you cry out in despair.
Everything you are doing is suppose to work you think frustratingly. Your thoughts start drifting and you begin comparing yourself with others and you mutter ‘Isn’t visualising your goal the number one technique for goal achievement. Elite sport stars use it and it works for them so why isn’t it working for me.’ It is at this point that you start to doubt yourself because you do not understand why other people can achieve their goals and you can’t. After a while you start to believe that your dream will remain just a dream, and you return to living a plain and ordinary life.
This is a common scenario in many peoples lives but it does not have to be yours. You can achieve your dreams you just need to discover the missing piece of the puzzle.
The Psychology of Goal Achievement
In order to acquire something you need to firstly see yourself owning it. For example you need a new TV so you go shopping with the intention of owning a new TV. Since you know what you want, you go to the right stores where you can easily find plenty of TV’s to choose from. You purchase the one you want and now you are the proud owner of a new TV.
You would never have purchased the TV had you not envisioned yourself owning it. If you say to yourself ‘I would like a new TV’, the reality is you may or may not buy one. You only purchase it when you have made up your mind to own it and have started visioning what it would look and feel like to be the proud owner of a new TV. For example you might imagine where you are going to put it, what shows you are going watch, how close to the action you will be with sport and documentaries. You see all of these things in your minds eye first. Test this out for yourself next time you decide to purchase something.
It is the same with your goals you need to see yourself owning your dream. It is not enough to just visualise it you must see yourself owning it. For example let’s say there is great high profile job you want. In order to have this you need to believe and see yourself owning it by saying something like ‘this job is mine’ or ‘I own this it has my name written all over it.’ You would say this with the same certainty you have that the sun is going to rise and set everyday. You do not doubt fo a minute that it is going to happen.
Therefore the first essential step in manifesting your goal is to OWN it. You must see, believe and know without a shadow of a doubt that it is already yours.
Your next catch cry might be ‘yes but how do I own it’? Sounds simple enough on paper however thoughts of doubt quickly enter your head with statements of ‘I have no idea how to see and and believe that my goal is already mine. Right now it just appears a pipe dream.’
True enough! Creating feelings of ownership can be difficult if the missing piece of the puzzle remains a mystery.
Let’s return to the example of getting that high profile job. You try to create ownership by seeing yourself in your new office sitting at a large beautifully polished wooden desk admiring the beautiful artwork on the wall. You have a separate table and chairs located in the middle of the room for meetings. Your assistant sits outside your office waiting to help you in any way that they can. All good but….
The problem is every time you go to visualise this scene you feel resistance. It does not feel comfortable and you struggle to hold the vision. This evidenced by your reluctance to do your daily visualising and you find yourself either forcing yourself to do it or finding excuses not to do it.
The Missing Piece
The secret to goal achievement is understanding that in order to own something you must feel deserving or worthy of having it. This deservedness or worthiness is referred to as self worth.
Your level of self worth is evidenced by your feelings of resistance, discomfort or fear that your goal will not be realised. Why would you feel uncomfortable or resistant to having something you really want? It does not make sense. The only reason you would experience these feelings is if somewhere on an unconscious level your sense of self worth is preventing you having what you want. Sounds crazy but if you think about it, your sense of self worth governs not only what you can do but also what you can have.
You may be wondering at this point how self worth is created? It is created by your thoughts and beliefs. It is that simple. What is not so simple is how your thoughts and beliefs were shaped by societal norms and other people. For example arrogance is frowned upon in society and yet you need a certain amount of seemly arrogant behaviours in order to achieve big dreams.
Many high achievers can mistakenly be seen as arrogant, however do not mistake confidence and single minded belief in their goal for arrogance. There is a big difference. Knowing that something is rightfully yours and not listening when others try to keep you small, is not arrogance it is a measure of your self worth. Some people deliberately keep themselves small because they do not want to be criticised, envied or disliked by others. Others people keep themselves small because they have been conditioned to believe it is the godly thing to do. Every one has the right to stand tall and live the life they truly want.
Moving beyond limiting self beliefs is essential for your true happiness. Denying yourself the opportunity to an incredible and amazing life is not helping anyone especially yourself. Providing you do not harm, judge or criticise others you have ever right to elevate yourself to the highest levels of attainment. In fact it is the only way you can ever truly support the evolvement of humankind. Everyone has their role to fulfil in this world and if you fail to fulfil yours the whole cannot be realised.
Think about the people throughout history who went out on a limb and elevated themselves above mass thinking and as a result changed the lives of countless people. Everyone needs to own their dreams and in doing so inspire, elevate and create a pathways for others to achieve theirs.
Sometimes it is hard to break free of self limiting beliefs because the recognition of keeping yourself small is out of your conscious awareness. The only way to know whether your life is being ruled by limiting beliefs is to ask the question ‘do I find it easy to achieve my goals and live the life I want?’
Your Balance Sheet
A good analogy for understanding and increasing your self worth is to think of a business balance sheet. When a business owner wants to know how their business is performing one key indicator is a balance sheet. Basically a balance sheet shows everything that the business owns which are called assets and what the business owes known as liabilities. The difference between the two is referred to as the businesses net worth. In order for the business to have a positive net worth the assets need to outweigh the liabilities.
We can use the same principle to create a personal balance sheet. In your personal balance sheet your assets are all your positive self affirming thoughts and your liabilities are all your negative self limiting thoughts. The difference between the two is your self worth.
You cannot go around berating yourself 24/7 and expect to have high self worth. Every time you have positive self affirming thoughts you add to your assets. Every time you have negative self limiting thoughts you add to your liabilities. If you have more negative self limiting thoughts than positive self affirming thoughts you will have low self worth.
Therefore in order to build your assets and self worth you need to increase positive self affirming thoughts and reduce negative self limiting thoughts.
Think of it like a bank account where you are constantly making deposits and withdrawals. If you make too many withdrawals you will deplete your assets placing you in debt and making it impossible to afford to own your dreams and goals.
Now might be a good time to ask yourself what does your personal balance sheet look like? In order to answer this question you need to become aware of the number of positive self affirming thoughts you have on a daily basis compared to the number of negative self limiting thoughts. Ask yourself ‘how many deposits do I make in a day compared to withdrawals’? ‘Am I asset rich or in debt poor?’ Becoming aware of your thoughts is the first step.
Real wealth building isn’t about about how much money you have in the bank it is realising that you are your greatest asset. Everyday you need to build that asset by investing in positive self affirming thoughts and reducing negative self limiting thoughts.
Techniques For Building Your Assets and Self Worth
1. Replace Every Withdrawal With A Deposit
Every time you have a negative self limiting thought replace it with a positive self affirming thought. Thoughts that bring you joy and happiness are perfect for doing this. Although it will not increase your personal worth it will prevent you from getting further into debt. Literally you CANNOT AFFORD THE LUXURY OF A NEGATIVE THOUGHT!
2. Fully Accept Compliments And Praise
Every time you refuse to fully accept compliments and praise it is akin to rejecting deposits into your account. If the bank deposited $2000 into your account would you turn around and say ‘no thanks’? Always say thank you and acknowledge the compliment or praise so that it gets deposited into your account.
3. Graciously Accept Gifts And Acts Of Generosity
Similar to not accepting compliments and praise. Building your assets is essential if you are to build your self worth and achieve your dreams. Be careful not to squander valuable opportunities to build your assets and reduce debt.
4. Congratulate And Praise Yourself
Every night just before sleep review your day and congratulate yourself on all the things you did well today. This is essential for quickly building your self worth. It does not matter how small the action or behaviour is. Just make sure you acknowledge everything because it will start training your brain to focus on the things you do well rather than what you are not doing well. Many people are so busy berating themselves (depleting your asset account big time) that when asked to do this they struggle. Start off looking at the smallest thing. It could be smiling at someone. You might not think that is worth much but to the other person it may be priceless or life changing. There are so many things you do well each day and it is time to start acknowledging them so that you can build your self worth and start living the life you want.
It goes without saying that gratitude is the simplest way to attract good fortune. Having an attitude of gratitude will go a long way towards building your asset bank.
6. Love The Heck Out Of Everyone And Everything
Have you ever met anyone who was truly successful who goes around bitching and complaining about every one and every thing. Tying up your thinking with negative thoughts about people and situations is the quickest way to become bankrupt. It is not much good implementing the other strategies listed above, if you are going to hold onto grudges and grievances. Not only is it adding to your liabilities it is also taking up valuable thinking time that could be used to focus on what you want. Is a person or situation really worth the price of your dreams? Letting go of your grudges and grievances may be one of the hardest things you ever do but I can guarantee it will be one of the greatest investments you make in you and your life.
7. Take Time To Ensure Your Needs Are Met
It is a sure tale sign if you are putting everyones else’s needs before your own that your personal net worth is low or in debt. Take time to identify your top five needs and then commit to ensuring they are met on a regular basis. A good way to identify your top needs is to ask the question ‘what is important to me’
8. Check Your Balance Daily
Want to know whether you are going to achieve your goals? Get into the habit of checking your personal balance sheet daily. If you feel total ownership of your goal by knowing it is already yours then you have a very healthy balance sheet. If on the other hand you feel uncomfortable, fearful or resistant then continue to build your assets. The feeling of ownership should feel exactly the same as if you were going out to purchase a TV. You know it is already yours.
So don’t be reckless with your biggest asset YOU!. Look after you by developing the daily habit of building your personal assets so that no longer will you be one of the many who feels frustrated, confused, disillusioned, angry, upset and willing to give up on their dreams. You can have want you want so long as everyday you are advocating for you. Are you willing to do this? The one thing you have complete control over is your choice of thoughts.
Are you ready to go from ordinary to extraordinary? The choice is yours.